Vampire Perfect
by sweet-lovin-zombie
Summary: What would happen if Bella and Edward switched bodies? How will Edward and Bella adapt to their new 'parts? How will they keep it a secret from their families? How awkward will it be when they have to take a pee? Very. Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight!
1. I Wake Up a Dude

Vampire Perfect

Bella sat silently in her room, and thought of her last argument with her true love, Edward. He had said she would never understand him unless she knew the pain he suffered, which was completely stupid! At least he wasn't stuck in a love triangle with a sulky vampire, and a hot teen werewolf! _Oh wait, _she thought. _He kind of is_. Pushing the thought aside, she got up, and stared out her window at the dark night sky. Strangely, there were no stars out even though it was a clear night. _Hmm, I wonder why that is. Stupid pollution! _Suddenly, a ball of light came out of nowhere, and streaked across the sky. A shooting star!

"I wish I knew what it was like to be Edward." She whispered to herself. "If only I knew what it was like to be him… then I would understand him." In seconds, the star was gone, and Bella sighed sadly. "If only magic did exist."

"Hey, Bells?" Charlie peeked his head inside the room. "You should go to bed. It's time for school."

She nodded, and flicked off the light, flopping down onto her bed.

When Bella woke up, she expected to be in her dark, cozy bedroom, but instead, the sun was shining directly in her face. When she opened her eyes, she was shocked to see she was in Edward's bedroom, on the couch. _How did I get here? _She wondered, rubbing her head. Instead of feeling her long, tangled hair, she felt… short, soft hair. Her eyes widened. _Uh oh_. Panicking, she jumped up, and ran to the mirror. Instead of seeing her reflection, she saw… Edward! Cautiously, she raised her arm and Edward did the same. Could she really have switched places with Edward? Was she dreaming? All she knew was that she was freaked out, and before she realized what she was doing, she screamed. Expecting make a high-pitched, shrieking sound, it only freaked her out even more when she made a yelling sort of sound. Bella didn't even stop screaming when Emmett ran in to see what she was screaming about.

"Edward, what happened?" he asked standing in the doorway looking confused.

At first, she didn't realize he was talking to her, but then she remembered that she _was _Edward. "I have short hair!" Bella exclaimed

"Yeah." Emmett answered looking confused.

"I'm a dude!"

"Uh huh."

"I'm BUFF!" Bella screamed back at Emmett.

"Edward what is wrong with you!" Emmett asked, "I know you're a dude!"

"No! I'm a girl!"

Before Emmett could answer the doorbell rang, and suddenly someone pushed past Emmett and ran into the room. It was Bella's body! Bella turned and stared at it. _Wow, _she thought. _Are my boobs really that big? _But then realization hit, and she was sent into another state of panic.

The two stared at each other for a long moment, both of them shocked. Then at the same moment they screamed.

"What is wrong with you two?" Emmett asked looking confused

"I'm a chick!" Bella's body said

Emmett (very confused) walked away.

"Edward?" Bella asked stepping cautiously towards her body.

"Yeah. Bella?" Edward asked

"Uh huh." she replied

"Edward? Bella?" Carlisle had called them from the living room.

"Um…. WE'RE NOT DECENT!" Edward yelled

"Wait, what? What are you even doing?" Esme asked

"Talking." Bella replied, shocked. She was a dude!

"Can you two please come out here?" Carlisle asked

"Uhu." Bella answered. The two of them slowly walked into the living room.

"What is wrong with you two?" Emmett asked still looking confused.

"Ummmmm…..?" Bella said looking to Edward for help.

"Nothing." Edward said trying to imitate the way Bella usually flips her hair. He failed.

"No, something is definitely wrong with you two." Jasper said crossing his arms.

"Ummmm…. SORRY!" Bella yelled. The Cullens all jumped. "Gotta go late for school! Let's go Edward!" she said. The rest of the Cullens looked confused. "I mean Bella!" she said grabbing Edward's (well technically Bella's since Edward is in her body) arm and pulling him out the door.

"But it's Sunday!" Esme called. They ignored her. Once out the door, Bella faced Edward. She felt kind of silly because she automatically looked up. Then she remembered she was Edward! She looked down, and saw herself through Edward's eyes. Man, she really was as ugly as she thought she was. That made her feel sad.

"What-did-you-DO?" Edward asked furious.

"I don't know! I don't think I even did anything except-" she froze. The shooting star. Oh crap.

"What? WHAT?" Demanded Edward.

"Well," Bella fumbled with her sleeves. "I kind of…"

"Kind of what?"

"Wished on a shooting star that I would know what it felt like to be you."

"You WHAT?" Edward shouted.

"SHHHH! The Cullens will hear us, stupid!"

He rolled his eyes. "Oh, you'd better know a way to fix this!"

**Hey! So, I would've written more, but I got lazy. And tired. And a headache… anyway, Plz review, or else I can't write anymore! :'( **

**P.S. The next chapter goes to Edward's point of view, when he wakes up, and is Bella. **

**P.S.S. I know. This chapter SUCKED! But don't hate! I just found out that I can't get my rat a cage mate! Now she's going to suffer from depression symptoms. **** Ok, that's a bit dramatic, but she'll have to be lonely 23% of the day! **** So sad.**


	2. I Wake Up As My Girlfriend

Edward's POV

When I woke up that morning-wait! Holy crap! I _woke up? _How the heck did that happen? I haven't _woken up _since I was… like a _human! _Ok, so when I woke up that morning, I knew something was _definitely _wrong. Then when I saw I was in _Bella's _room, I knew something was _terribly _wrong.

Upon instinct, I rubbed my head, but then my fingers got caught in my hair. My _long hair. _I gulped. It wasn't possible for me to turn into a 

It's just not everyday that you wake up, after not even sleeping for like 110 years, and find that your hair has grown out like two feet! In confusion, I looked at my hands, and saw… Bella's hands? How was that possible?

Looking around the room, I saw Bella's large mirror, and I jumped in front of it, and examined my reflection. At first, I didn't realize that I was looking at _Bella's _reflection since I had human eyesight, but then I recognized the eye and hair color.

I was panicking. _Calm down. _I told myself. _It could be a dream. Wait! Vampires don't have dreams! _And if I was Bella, that meant that she was… me.

"Hey, Bella?" The sound of Charlie's voice made me jump. "I'm going to go fishing with Harry! Ok!" His voice sounded distant, like he was downstairs.

"Great!" I replied, trying to sound like Bella. "Have fun!" I failed at imitating Bella.

Charlie must've not noticed the difference, because seconds later, the front door slammed.

"Ok," I muttered to myself. "I need to go find the _real _Bella." Upon instinct, I ran out the door, and tried to race down the stairs, but only ended up slipping and falling.

"OOF!" I exclaimed from the bottom step, rubbing my now sore head. "This is going to be harder than I thought.

Driving wasn't any easier. It took me forever to find Bella's stupid car keys, and when I did, I tried to jump out of the bedroom window, but only ended up falling on the ground on my butt.

It seemed like hours before I finally pulled up to my house. And when I did, I leapt out of the car as fast as I could, and ran inside. And only after I was inside did I realize that I was still in my pajamas, wearing no shoes, and my hair looked a mess.

I sighed. This is going to take some getting used to.

Hey! Sorry it's so short! But I'm like SUPER busy right now! I wanted to write the next chapter as quickly as I could though! Revieiw!


	3. Difficulties With Gender Switches

**Hey! Sorry I didn't update sooner! I waz on vaca! Anyway, ur probably wondering who would get the whole mind-reading power, right? Well, since Bella is in Edward's body, **_**she **_**gets it. But not yet. See, she gets it in- wait! I'm gonna spoil it! Anyway, she does get the power. Just when you least expect it…**

Disclaimer: I've been forgetting to add these, but I don't own Twilight! It belongs to Stephanie Meyers. Even… *blinks back tears* Alec, Jane, Seth, and JASPER! Anyways, on with the story! ;)

School Part 1

Edward's POV:

Ok, so being a human _sucks_. Being a girl sucks even more. It's absolutely HORRIBLE! And showering? Oh my gosh, I can't even begin to describe how awkward that is. And now I had to go to school. As Bella.

Bella and I nervously stepped towards the school doors. I knew we were both thinking the same thing: _Could we survive a day as each other? _

My thoughts were whipping around like crazy. I had absolutely no idea how I was supposed to do this!_ Would _I be able to last a day as Bella? Would my family find out? No, I couldn't let that happen. No one could know about this until we found out how to fix it.

Suddenly, my thoughts were interrupted when an overly enthusiastic voice yelled "Hey, Bella!" right in my ear.

"Gah!" I jumped. How come I hadn't heard Mike Newton as he approached me?

"Why so jumpy?" Mike asked, draping an arm over my shoulder.

"Hey! Get away from me!" I exclaimed, jumping away. "And stay away from Bella! She's _mine._"

Mike looked utterly confused, and it only took me a moment to realize what I had said. "I mean… I'm Edward's! Yeah! Uhu!"

"Umm…" Mike walked away at a quicker pace than normal. I grinned at that, but my smile slipped off my face as I saw Bella glaring through my face.

"Really? 'I'm Edward's'? You couldn't think of anything better?" She hissed.

"Well I'm sorry! I am just a human!"

She rolled her-well, _my _eyes, and we strode into the building. And somehow I knew that this was going to be a long day.

My terrible day started when I realized I had to pee. Bad. Nervously, I raised my hand.

The teacher called on me. "Yes Bella?"

"Umm…" My heart beat fast as I felt the stares of the other students. "Can I go pee?"

Immediately, the room erupted with laughter, and I felt a rush of warm pulse through my cheeks.

The teacher scowled. "Go ahead."

I sighed with relief once I was out of that classroom. Quickly, I raced towards the bathrooms, and slipped inside.

Before I could go to one of the stalls, I realized I was in the boy's bathroom. "Oops!" Quickly, I switched bathrooms, and went into a stall. Then a thought occurred to me. _Oh CRAP! How do I do this? _

Narrator: Hmm. It seems as thought Edward is having a tough time as a woman. Let's go see how Bella's doing.

Bella's POV

_Gosh, I hate being a dude. And what I hate more than being a dude is social studies! _I was currently sitting at a desk, scribbling down answers to some dumb questions. I hoped I got them right. Edward would KILL me if I ruined his flawless grades. Now, what year was- _I hate this subject!_ Said a voice that suddenly interrupted my thoughts. It just came out of nowhere!

"Who said that?" I shouted, causing everyone to whip around and stare at me. _Oh my gosh! What's wrong with Cullen? _"WHO'S THERE?"

Narrator: Ooh. It's going to be hard to talk herself out of this one. Let's go back to Edward, shall we?

Edward's POV

I examined the little blue box in my hand, and read what is said on the side. Tampax. Then I looked below it. "I have to do _what?_"

Narrator: Ok, let's go back to Bella!

Bella's POV

"Mr. Cullen!" My head snapped up at the sound of the teacher's voice. "Is there something wrong?"

"Umm…" I racked my brain for something to say. "Nope! Nothing at all!"

The teacher sighed. "Well for disrupting my class, you have detention next Friday!"

"Yes sir." I mumbled, looking back at my paper. Of course I had only realized after I had shouted that in Edward's body, I would be able to read minds. Some days just SUCK!

**Yay! That's the end of that chapter! I would've made it longer, but my glasses broke, my back hurts, and I'm tired! Anyway, good night!** **Plz review!**

**Oh! Also, I added the narrator in this story. I thought she would be useful. Also, she's Swedish! But if u don't want the narrator, just tell me. Although **_**I **_**personally like using the narrator. And another thing! If u have any ideas for me to put in to story, or ideas to make it better, plz just leave a comment, or pm me. I'll try to use ur ideas in any way that I can!**

**P.S. Plz no flamers! They don't hurt my feelings or anything, they just annoy me. Plus they're rude!**


	4. Coming Out of the Closet By Mistake

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.**

Edward POV

It was lunchtime. Finally! Now I could go sulk at my table with my other siblings!

Once I got into the cafeteria, I did my signature 'Edward Cullen Cool Walk' and made my way towards my table.

I walked up to it, and nodded to my other siblings before taking a seat.

"Hey, Bella?" Alice spoke in her usually cheery voice.

_Why is she talking to… OH! Crap! I'm Bella! Good thing she sits with us now, or that would've been awkward._

"Yes, Alice?" I replied in what I thought was a pretty good Bella voice.

"Aren't you hungry?"

"No…"

"Hey guys!" Bella—well actually _I _since it's my body—sat down next to me. "So today was like, _fabulous!" _

_Oh no…_

Bella pulled something out of her pocket, which I realized was a bottle of nail polish. And to my horror, she began painting her nails.

This was too horrible to watch. "You know what guys?" I said, drawing my family's horrified expression away from Bella. "I think I am hungry, I'm going to go get some food!" And with that, I leapt to my feet, and raced towards the lunch line.

Bella POV

I was contently painting my nails, when Jasper cleared his throat.

"Umm… Edward?"

I looked up. See, I remembered to respond when my name was called. I have this body-switching thing down!

"Is there something you need to tell us?"

_Crap! Had he figured something out? _"N-no."

He furrowed his brow. "Edward, are you…" He leaned towards me. "Are you interested in _men?" _

I giggled. "Of course silly! Why do you think I have a boyfriend?"

**Hey! Sry itz so short! I'm gonna try nd get the nxt one up if not today, tomorrow. Anywayz, plz review!**


	5. Food and Singing?

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight!**

Edward POV

I was _so _mad at Bella for embarrassing me like that that I decided to get revenge. I grabbed a tray at the lunch line, and placed as much food on it as I could fit. Fried chicken, cookies, mashed potatoes; ice cream, cake, lemonade, chips, soup, and even sushi were all stuffed onto a tiny tray. As I walked back towards my table, many heads turned towards me. I smiled.

When I got back to my table, Bella turned around to greet me, but when she saw my tray, her expression turned to one of horror. My siblings did the same.

I plopped down into my seat, and looked around the table. "WOW! I'm just SO hungry!" And I began to stuff my face.

Narrator: Oh no. I was afraid this would happen. Let's see Bella's opinion on the situation!

Bella POV

I watched in horror as Edward made a complete fool of me. Now thanks to him, I looked like some gross SLOB! It seemed like an eternity before he was done eating, and I thought the torture would end, but he just looked at Emmett.

"Are you going to eat your food?" He asked. _Oh no. _

"Umm… no…" Emmett replied, unsurely.

"Great!" Edward grabbed Emmett's tray, and began munching away. He later did the same with Alice, Rosalie, AND Jasper.

_That's it. _I thought. _Time for revenge. _"Hey, you guys?" I said, grabbing my table's attention away from Edward. "This lunchroom needs some music!"

Edward's eyes widened. "What do you-"

I got up quickly, and stood on the lunch table. "We're all in this together! Once we know! That we are! We're all stars! And we see that! We're all in this together! And it shows! When we stand! Hand in hand! Make our dreams come true! Together, together, together everyone! Together, together, come on lets have some fun! Together, were there for each other every time! Together, together come on lets do this right!" I sang. By now the entire cafeteria was looking at me with horrified expressions. I didn't need to read their thoughts to know what they were thinking: _"What is WRONG with that guy?" _

I opened my mouth to sing more, but Emmett stood up, and shoved me back into my seat. The normal chatter of the cafeteria started up again, only this time, all of the chatter was about _me. _Or, technically, _Edward. _

"What is WRONG WITH YOU?" Jasper shouted. "Do you WANT everyone to think you're a weirdo?"

I smiled. "Yep."

Narrator: Oh gosh. This is terrible. Well, I think that's enough. Tune in next time to find out what happens when Edward goes to gym for Bella. Will he make a fool of himself? Will their be war between the two? Will anyone else be thrown in the same situation as them? You'll have to wait and see!

**Teehee. I just love the Narrator. Anyway, sry I didn't update in forever! I got lazy. Yeah, imma jerkwad. U should HATE ME! :'( Anyway, imma try nd update more often now, bt tha chapters might b shorter cuz my mom iz putting a tie limit on how long I can stay on tha computer! I know! Lame, right? Anywayz, plz review. Flames r accepted cuz I deserve them for my laziness.**


	6. Markers, Lady Necessities and Tape

I was supposed to post this before I left for camp, bt here it is!

Hey! SO, like I'm leaving to go to camp for a week, nd I wanted to update before I left! Soz here'z the nxt chpter! ;)

Narrator: Welcome back! It's time for the next installment of: Vampire Perfect!

Tiffany: So guys, what's going to happen now? Will Edward and Bella make up?

Steve: Or will there be war?

Narrator: What the… Who are _you _people?

Tiffany: *ignores the narrator* You know, Steve. There doesn't _have _to be war. I mean, if Edward and Bella love each other, then they should be able to make up, and forgive each other's mistakes. Right?

Steve: AHAAAAA! That's so funny! Oh… wait… you were serious? Oh… you're stupid! Do you honestly believe in that crap?

Tiffany: *gasps* Crap? CRAP? Twilight is NOT crap!

Steve: *rolls eyes* Oh, please. It's about a pale, whiny do-nothing that manages to get these two mythical dudes to fall in love with her.

SHUTUP! GOSH! Now mi readerz hav ta read this CRAP before they cn continu wif tha story!

Steve: Do you always talk like that? 

**YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!**

Steve: And why do _you _get the bold letters?

**Because I'm tha writer. Now shut it or I'll kick u! **

Steve: *shrinks down in chair.*

Now, Narrator, start where u left off.

Narrator: Thank you! Now, as I was saying—

Tiffany: Do these shoes make my feet look fat?

**TIFFANY! NO ONE C UR SHOES!**

Tiffany: Gah! Ok ok! No need to yell! I just wanted to know! :'(

**:(**

Narrator: OK! On with the story!

Edward POV

Ok, Bella angered me SO much! Now, I was going to get even. Yeah, I know that's not what you want to hear from the perfect, mythical vampire that has his own team and T-Shirts… then again, Jacob has that too… ok, whatever! The _point _is that Bella _ruined _me, so _now _I'm going to ruin _her. _

So I pulled out a, tape, red marker, and… _it. It _is that little blue box that is about to ruin her life _forever._ With a cruel grin on my face, I began coloring the tampon with the red marker. Lastly, I taped it to the back of my pants. Now _this _was the _perfect _revenge.

Tiffany: Oh god! I would rip his hair out for that one! That's TERRIBLE!

Steve: Oh please! Calm down Tiff. It's hilarious!

Tiffany: No, it's mean, and sick, and evil, and cruel, and- *keeps ranting on and on while Steve quickly texts the Narrator to come and continue the story*

Narrator: What are you two doing? You're not allowed to interrupt the story! That's _my _job! Now, let's switch to _Bella's _point of view.

Tiffany: -and stupid, and immature, and pointless, and reckless, and-

Narrator: OK! Now, on with the story!

Bella POV

I was standing at Edward's locker, getting what I needed for his next class when I heard snickering down the hall. Cautiously, I turned, and saw Edward walking down the hallway. Behind him, people were laughing, and pointing to his—well, _my _butt. Wtf?

But when he walked past me, I saw what they were all laughing about: He had

a-a-a _lady necessity _stuck to the back of his jeans. _Oh god. _I thought. _This is going to haunt me forever. _

Hey! So, I'm sorry itz soooo short, bt I'm like really tired right now, so I didn't want to write a lot. I'm like LITERALLY falling asleep at my computer, so, goodnight! Nd I'll try n update tomorrow… well _today _since it's like 1:00 in the morning where I am, bt nyway, I'll try nd update as soon as I cn. K, byeee!

P.S. Do u guys like Tiffany nd Steve? Or do u think they take up too much space in tha story? Tell me in a review! Also, I might put up a poll on mi profile just in case u guys want anyone _else _to b switched with their true loves. _Hint hint. Wink, wink. _Ok, later!

~sweet-lovin-zombie


	7. Failure, and Gym Class

**Hey! Itz me again! So, some of u said Tiffany nd Steve take up too much space, so I decided to make the chpters longer if possible. Tht way I cn keep them, nd keep u guys happy!**

**Narrator: Hello, and welcome back to 'Vampire Perfect'. Today, we will be following Edward and Bella as they go home! :0 Yes, I know it sounds bad. And, it is! **

Steve: Hey! The Narrator gets bold letters too?

**Yes.**

Steve: U suck.

**I su… STEVE! HOW DARE U SAY THAT ABOUT ME! I CREATED U!**

Tiffany: Ok! Ok! Steve is sorry! Can we just get on with the story?

**:( Fine.**

**Narrator: Perfect! Now, on with the story!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.**

Steve: Whoah, whoah, whoah! Who is this _Disclaimer _person? And why do _they_ get bold letters too?

Tiffany: *sigh* Steve?

Steve: Yes?

Tiffany: Disclaimer is a thing, not a person.

**Disclaimer: Jerk.**

Tiffany: What the—

Narrator: OK! WE WILL DISCUSS THIS LATER! NOW ON WITH THE STORY!

Bella POV

Ok, ok. So Edward embarrasses me with _lady necessities? _Well _two _can play at _that _game!

Now, let's go over the things we've done to each other:

Edward made me look like a fat, hog.

I sang high school musical

He stuck _lady necessities _onto his—well _my _pants.

So… I have to do something to make him look _really _bad. Millions of

possibilities ran through my head. I could make someone cry… get into a fight… kick a teacher… hmm, but that would ruin his reputation more than it would embarrass him…

While I was mentally debating on what mean, heartless thing to do to my future husband, I forgot that I was in English class, and when the teacher started taking, I jumped.

"Well class," She said flipping her curly blonde hair, and batting her eyelashes. See, Miss. Smith, one of the English teachers is a _total _girly-girl. She always wears perfect makeup; she has perfect hair, perfect features, perfect clothes, and these bright blue eyes. So, she basically looks like the human form of Rosalie. She's only in her twenties, and is engaged to some dude named Scott De Vasco. He's some rich millionaire or something. Don't ask how I know all this, because her phone conversations get pretty loud.

Anyway, she was talking about something, so I decided it was best to listen.

"So class," She announced. "We have an English test that will count for 70% of your grade!"

The class let out a collective groan.

Miss Smith rolled her eyes. "Oh come on! It's easy!" And with that, she started handing out the papers.

I was about to answer the first question when I realized something: This was how I was going to get him back! I would ruin his flawless grades! It was perfect! So I wrote over the entire test: I don't know! I'm stupid!

I chuckled in my mind. Edward was going to hate me for this. But I didn't care.

Edward POV

So next, I had gym. I knew it was going to suck even before I got into the sweaty gymnasium. I was about to go to the locker rooms when I heard Mike Newton talking to some other dude.

"Tyler just texted me, and said Edward Cullen just failed an English test!" Mike was saying. WHAT! Bella failed my ENGLISH TEST? HOW COULD SHE? She _knew _how important grades are to me! She would _never _do that to me unless… she wanted revenge. UGH! THAT-THAT-THAT… word that starts with a b that would be un gentlemen-like to say! Why would she do that? Oh why does it matter? I have to figure out how to get even! Hmm… what would be a good way to pay her back…

After a few moments of thought, I decided to get even by making a complete fool of myself during gym class. And although Bella might not know what I had done, this would haunt her reputation forever! Hahahahaaaaaa!

The coach blew the whistle, and all the girls huddled around her.

"All right class!" The coach announced. "I want to tell you what we're doing today before you get changed. Today we're going to be playing basketball. Now I want each of you to break up into teams."

"Hey Bella!" exclaimed a rather hyper Jessica. _Meh. _I thought. _I hate Bella's friends! They're so weird! _"You should be on my team!"

I put on a fake smile, but she didn't seem to notice. "Sure! That would be great! Let's go get changed!"

"Ok!" She lead the way to the dressing room, while I was thinking: _Oh god. Bella is never going to forgive me for this… _

Oh gosh. Dressing was terribly awkward. I stared at the ceiling the entire time, earning me some pretty weird stares. So, anyway, Jessica and I walked back out into the gymnasium and she lead me to a group of overly excited girls.

We got a basketball, got paired with another team to be our opponent, and started playing. Jessica was pretty good. She passed the ball to me, but instead of catching it, I let it his me in the face.

"OW!" I exclaimed. Oops, I forgot I'm not rock hard anymore.

Jessica ran over to me, and asked if I was ok.

"Yes… wait… no!" I replied unsurely. "My nose is bleeding!"

Jessica rolled her eyes. "That's what happens when you let basketballs hit you in the face."

**Hey! SO, I feel like this chpter SUKKED! Did it? Let me know in a review! Also thnxs to **xSkylarx1118x **for tha gym idea! Sry I took so long to use it!**


	8. Another Switch

**Wassuppp everybody? So, a couple days ago, I got a flamer… it kinda made me mad, so I made this whole long rant about it. Then today, I decided it wasn't needed. I guess I did ask if it was terrible, bt still, I didn't mean it… I guess I should only say what I mean. So, I'm not gonna put in the whole angry rant about how mad I am about the situation, bt I will say this: **Leibeezer, **u said that if my story doesn't get any better, you're going to stop reading. Honestly, if you're going to say mean things like that, I'll b OVERJOYED if u stop reading. Ok? Nd I'm not going to change it for anyone, especially not mean, stupid flamers like YOU. **

Ok, that's what I have to say to u Leibeezer. Hope u read it. Nyway, here's the nxt chpter. Tiffany nd Steve r on… uhh… _vacation. _

**Tiffany: NO! *bangs on window* SHE LOCKED US OUT OF THE HOUSE!**

Narrator: *quickly pulls the curtains closed* And now, on with the story!

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight

Bella POV

** I walked down the hallway with a smug smile on my face. I had just wrecked Edward's flawless grades. He would be SO angry when he read his report card. Yeah, I know it was a mean thing to do, but he completely embarrassed me! It was TERRIBLE! Ugh! Anyway, I was walking happily down the hallway when I saw something that wiped the smile off my face: I saw Edward… well, technically **_**me **_**since it's my body, but anyway, I saw Edward walking down the hallway with a swollen nose that was gushing blood.**

** My eyes widened. So he brakes my **_**nose? **_**Oh NO! No one breaks **_**my **_**nose! That's it! Now it's time for even **_**more **_**revenge! Though I can't get it now… the day is over…**

Rosalie POV

** I sat at home, staring out my window. Edward and Bella had been acting so weird all day at school. I peered upward at the stars. They were so pretty. Like sparkling diamonds. Suddenly, a flash of light streaked across the sky! A shooting star! **_**I wish I knew what Edward and Bella felt like. Then I would know what was making them so strange… **_

** Suddenly, my eyesight got all fuzzy, and for the first time in years, I fell in a deep sleep. **

AHH! OH NO! Now Rosalie and Emmett r gonna join this little switch—up! What will come out of that? Will they have their own war? Or will they 'Better Understand Each Other'? Psh! Lame! Of course they're gonna have war! Ok, sry this chpter waz soooooo short. It was just a filler. I'll definitely make the nxt one longer, nd I definitely won't take as long to post it. K, byeee!

YESSS! I finished tha nxt chpter! Nd imma post it at tha same time as this one. K? Sry, I would've made this one chpter, bt it just felt like it needed it to b one…


	9. Waking Up

Heyyy! Told u I wasn't gonna take so long to update! I posted this at tha SAME TIME! K, well here's tha nxt chpter!

Disclaimer: Hey, where r Tiffany and Steve?

What the—nevermind. Just say ur lines.

Disclaimer: Hmm. I think never mind is one word.

DISCLAIMER!

Disclaimer: OK! Ok. I don't own Twilight!

**Rosalie POV**

When I opened my eyes, I saw my ceiling. Ok, maybe nothing happened. But when I sat up, and looked down, I knew something had _definitely _happened. Instead if seeing my stunning, perfect body, I saw… _Emmett's. _His bulging muscles, his thick arms, and his big feet. Oops, that last one was mean. GAH! Who am I kidding? I feel like freakin SASQUATCH!

H-how was this possible? Then a thought occurred to me. What if this is what had happened to Edward and Bella? No! That was impossible! Maybe they just felt weird! Yeah! That's it!

Emmett POV

The second I woke up, I knew something was wrong. Vampires don't _wake up. _They don't sleep, therefore they can't _wake up. _Hmm, maybe I was just imagining things…

Anyway, I was walking down the hallway when I saw Rosalie.

"Oh, hey babe. You're lookin pretty sexy today." I said. Leaning in to kiss her. She leaned in too, but right where our lips should've met, my mouth hit something hard and cold… glass. I opened my eyes. I was kissing a mirror.

"HOLY CRAP!" I exclaimed. "_I'm _Rosalie? This is TERRIBLE!" Then a thought occurred to me. "Then again, I'm pretty hot. OOH! I'm gonna go look at myself naked." And with that, I continued walking down the hallway…

Rosalie POV

_Hmm, _I thought. _Now would be the perfect time to talk to Edward. _I slowly descended the stairs, and made my way towards Edward who was in the living room.

"Wassup bro?" I said, clapping him on the back.

He sighed. "Hello Emmett."

"What's up?" I asked, attempting to make conversation.

"Oh, nothing." He replied.

_Darn._ Suddenly, I caught a whiff of something. Something flowery… "Hey, what's that smell?" I thought aloud.

"Just this perfume I found in you and Rosalie's room."

"WHAT?" I shouted. "YOU TOOK MY PERFUME?"

He blinked. "Wait… it was _yours?_"

"Yes! GAH! Next thing I know you'll be stealing my eyeliner!" And with that, I stormed out of the room, leaving behind a very confused Edward.

**Hey! Itz me again! Sorry, this isn't tht long, bt itz nt agonizingly short. K, I'll try to update as soon as I cn! Nd plz review! **


	10. Author's Note PLEASE READ! IMPORTANT!

**Heyyy! So, I know everyone hates author's notes, but this is necessary! I just wanted to tell you all that Rosalie and Emmett aren't going to have a war! Unless you guys think they should… but I was planning on making them try and the other person how to be them. That make sense? … no, it doesn't… hmm… Ok, well, Rosalie teaches Emmett to be like her, and Emmett teaches Rosalie how to be him! Yes, I think that sounds better… Anyway, they probably won't go to war. That would make the story confusing. And hard to write! I already have to think of stuff for Edward and Bella to do to each other. I don't need ANOTHER prank war. **

**And also, I'm SO sorry for not updating! I just didn't feel like writing this story! I thought about discontinuing it, but then I decided not to. Don't worry, I'm not going to do that to you guys. So, thanks for reading this. Also, I added the next chapter when I added this. So you can go ahead and read that. And, YAY! I didn't use text-speak the entire time I was writing this! And it was torture! Ok, bye! :D**

**~sweet-lovin-zombie**


	11. Clothing Problems

_Disclaimer, I don't own Twilight._ Emmett POV

I looked around Rosalie's walk-in closet, desperately searching for something to wear. _Hmm… no, she already wore that. No, that doesn't match. No that's too fancy. No, that's too… hmm… why doesn't she wear that more around me? Oh! Crap! FOCUS! Ok… umm… no… UGH! Is being a girl really this hard?_

"Hello?" came _my _masculine voice from outside the door. Wow, this would take some getting used to. "Em—umm, I mean Rosalie? Because, _I'm _Emmett! Uh, are you done?"

"No!" I replied. "Will you help me?"

"Uh… sure." The closet door opened, and I saw myself come inside. No! It's Rosalie! I have to remember that!

"What are you doing?" Asked _Rosalie. _

"Trying to find something to wear." I replied, looking hopelessly at the rack.

Rosalie groaned. "Well, you're doing it wrong! First of all, this is the wrong closet! I keep all my school clothes in my 5th closet! You should know that about me!"

"Ok! Ok! Just find me something to wear!"

"Fine." Rosalie came back five minutes later with a hot-pink sweater, black skinny jeans, and—I gasped—hot pink _stilettos. _

"I'm _not _wearing those." I said.

"Oh, yes you are! Girls envy my sense of fashion, and you are _not _messing that up!" She scolded.

I was about to reply when someone cleared their throat in the doorway. We both looked over, and saw Carlisle standing there with a confused expression.

"Emmett," He said, "I had no idea girls envied your sense of fashion."

"They don't!" Rosalie and I exclaimed at the same time. "They just—"

Carlisle held up his hand. "No, don't explain. I'm leaving now."

As soon as he left, I sighed. I couldn't _wait _until we got turned back.

**Sry this chpter is so short. I'll make tha nxt one longer. Ths one was basically jst a filler. SRY! :O**


	12. Stilettos, and PMSing

**HEYYYY! OMGZZZ! I'm SOOOO sorry I didn't update in so long! Bt I have been SUPER busy! I just started 7****th**** grade **** and it's SOOO hard! **** Only one of my friends is in my homeroom! Plus, I just got my pet rat a cagemate, and I've been trying to introduce them to each other. The new one is SOOO SWEET! But the rat I already have is SUPER MEAN! SO, that's why I didn't update. Bt if ur still mad at me, I understand. I hate when fanfiction authors stop updating. Kk, here's the next chapter!**

**Disclaimer: sweet-lovin-zombie doesn't own Twilight. It belongs to the brilliant mind of Stephanie Meyers, and—OW! Ugh! My stupid rat just bit me. No joke. **

Rosalie POV

"Ok, Emmett. First, you have to learn how to be me!" I explained. "First, you need to walk like me."

My boyfriend nodded eagerly. "I can walk like you." And with that, he stood up, and walked around _perfectly _in my stilettos!

I was speechless. "H-H-_How?" _Ok, maybe not _that _speechless.

Emmett smiled sheepishly. "Well… I got bored one day, so I decided to try on your shoes…"  
>"OH MY GOSH!" I smacked him upside the head. "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WORE MY STILETTOS! WHAT'S NEXT? Are you going to wear my MAKEUP?"<p>

Emmett didn't respond. Instead, he stared wide-eyed over my shoulder.

In confusion, I turned around, and mentally groaned. Standing in the doorway, gawking at me was Jasper.

"Uhhh…" He said, backing away. "Is this a bad time…?"

"No! I was just telling Em—uh, Rosalie that I think my—uh, _her _shoes look good on her!" When I finished talking, I laughed nervously.

Jasper almost looked sick when he walked away.

I turned back to Emmett, and found him glaring at me. I flinched. Wow. With _my eyes, _he could give some pretty intense glares.

"What?" I asked, in a small voice.

"What was THAT?" He shouted. "NOW JASPER PROBABLY THINKS I LIKE MEN!"

"Uhhh…" Someone in the doorway said. I whirled around and saw Jasper. Again.

I face-palmed. This was going to be harder than I thought.

Edward POV

I angrily paced back and fourth in Charlie's kitchen. I was SO angry right now! And I didn't know why! **(If u don't get this part, remember the tampons? ;D) **

Suddenly, there was a knock on the door. I growled, and stomped out of the kitchen. In rage, I flung open the door, and there was the person I would least like to see. Jacob Black.

"What are you doing here?" I spat. Then I added: "Mutt?"

He looked a bit surprised. "Gosh Bella. You've been spending too much with those bloodsuckers."

"WHAT? WHY WOULD YOU CARE? AND I'M NOT BELLA! I'M EDWARD!"

"Umm… You're kind of not…"

"YES I AM! WHY DOES EVERYONE THINK I'M—Oh…" I looked down. An intense heat passed through my cheeks, and I screamed.

"What is it Bells?" Jacob asked in concern.

"MY CHEEKS ARE BURNING!" I shouted, clutching my face.

"Uhh… Bella?"

"Huh?"

"You're blushing."

"Oh…"

Narrator: Oh gosh. That was an epic failure for both of them. What will happen next?

**Heyy! I hope that wasn't too short! I'll try to update next weekend, but no promises! **** Stupid school. **


	13. Fashion and Football

Heyyyyy! Sorry I haven't updated in forever! But school is hard! :( :( :( Anyway, I didn't want to ditch u guys, so I decided to update. Sorry this chapter isn't too long. Just hang in there! Bella POV

I was striding around the Cullen's house, when I saw Emmett—holy crap, EMMETT?—watching the fashion channel. I glanced at the screen saw this _really _cute dress on the screen. And I thought: What the heck! I might as well watch it with him!

"Hey, Emmett." I said. "Mind if I watch this with you?"

"Uh, no." Emmett replied, not taking his eyes off the screen.

"Awesome!" I plopped down next to him, and started watching too.

"Umm…" Said someone behind us. I turned around, and saw Jasper. "What are you watching?"

"FASHION NETWORK!" Emmett and I replied in unison.

"Uhh…?"

Alice POV

My eyes were wide with shock as I stared out my window in shock. Was I seeing correctly? What was going on? Was this real? It couldn't be! But yet there it was: Bella and Rosalie, currently covered in mud, were playing _football _in the front yard! FOOTBALL! Was I crazy? Were _they _crazy?

"Ughhhhh…" Someone in the doorway said. I whirled around to see Jasper walk into the room, slamming the door behind him.

"Sweetie!" I rushed to his side. "What happened"? If I wasn't mistaken, he looked a little… green. Do vampires even turn green?

"I-I don't want to talk about it." Jasper collapsed onto the couch, and shut his eyes. "I just want to pretend to sleep.

_Ok…?_

**UGHHH! I'm going to feel like such a SLACKER posting this! Please don't hate me! I would've made it longer, but I'm SUPER nervous, because I get report cards tomorrow. EEEKK! What if I do bad?**


	14. Fainting Vamps, and 'The Talk'

**Hey! SO I understand that a lot of you are probably mad at me for not updating in forever, but school is REALLY hard! And every single weekend all I want to do is SLEEP! But I'm starting to get used to it now, so it isn't as hard. I'll try to update more often. And to ****fozia,****sorry****I****kept****u****waiting****so****long!****I****meant****to****update****sooner,****but****school****is****killing****me!****It****'****s****really****hard.****And****I****keep****failing****my****math****tests!****:(****But****thanks****for****your****review.****It****kind****of****woke****me****up****from****my****tired-daze.** **Also,****since****u****said****to****make****the****chapters****longer,****im****going****to****make****scenarios****from****all****four****of****the****characters!****:D**

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. I wish I did.

Narrator: Disclaimer! Shutup! You're going to get sued!

Disclaimer: For what? Wishing?

Narrator: The world of laws is a scary place…

Disclaimer: *shudders*

**Edward POV (A/N This was fozia's Idea!)**

I sat in Bella's living room, rubbing my temples to keep away the headache I could feel coming on. I couldn't _stand_how bad the picture on her TV was! It was like trying to see your reflection in a muddy mirror: Impossible, and frustrating!

Behind me, I heard the front door slam. I turned around on the couch, and saw Charlie step inside the room.

"Hey Bella!" He smiled. But something about his voice… it sounded nervous and jittery.

"Hey Ch—uh _dad.__" _I replied. "How was work?"

Charlie got a confused expression. "Umm… I didn't _go_to work. It's Sunday."

"Oh…" My face turned red. "Umm… What do you have in that bag there?" I said, noticing Charlie had a Walgreens bag clutched tightly in his hand.

This time, Charlie was the one to blush. "Not important. But there is something I need to talk to you about."

I blinked. "Oh. Ok."

Charlie came over and sat next to me. "Now Bella… I need you to listen to what I have to say."

I nodded for him to continue.

"Well, it seems you and Edward are pretty serious. And I'm happy for you, but there are some things you need to know before you go and make a mistake." _Uh-oh__… _"Well… Bella if you get pregnant, then—"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" I interrupted. "Edward is a very nice young man! He would never do a thing like that! Because unlike that filthy mutt Jacob, Edward has morals, and respects women!"

Charlie stared at me. "I'm sorry if I upset you Bells, but I just don't want you to make a mistake. And to be sure of that… I want you to take these." He pulled the mystery item out of the bag, and when he did, my eyes bulged. In his hands, Charlie held a box of…

"CONDOMS?" I shouted at the top of my lungs. I was about to yell at him, but then I saw what it said on the side: _Extra__Small._I blinked. _Really?_

Rosalie POV

I sat on the couch flipping through the latest issue of 17 Magazine when Jasper walked in. "Hey, bro!" I called to him.

"Umm… high." He said. He made his way over to me. "Whatcha reading?"

"17." I replied, flipping to the picture of Kim Kardashian on the cover. **(A/N Was she ever on the cover of 17?) **"Ugh. Don't you think that dress she's wearing would look way hotter on me?"

Behind me, I heard a thump. I turned around to see Jasper laying sprawled out on the ground. _Wow. I didn't know vampires could faint… _

Emmett POV

I was walking through the forest when I ran into Jacob. "Sup man!" I said, high-fiving him.

He blinked in confusion, but then his face turned smug. "Hey, What do SMART Blondes and UFOs have in common? You always hear about them but never see them."

I cracked up laughing. "That was a good one, man! You should say that to my girlfriend!"

"Umm… you have a girlfriend?"

"Yeah! You didn't know that?"

Bella POV

I was walking around in the Cullen's kitchen when Jacob ran inside. He raced over, and vomited into the trashcan.

"You will not believe what I just heard!" He said, wiping his face off with his sleeve.

"Ugh. What?"

"Rosalie has a girlfriend!"

"Eww!"

"I know!" He said. "It was weird! And she was acting all manly! Like Emmett!"

"Weird." I replied. "Well, try not to be too weirded out by it. I'm sure she was kidding." At the end of my statement, I planted a kiss on Jacob's cheek. "I'm sure of it." Then I left.

Jacob POV

_Ick!_

**Hey! So here it is! The next chapter! Hope u liked it. I think that the last three ones sucked, but I hope u enjoyed the first one. Thanks again Fozia!**


	15. GuyGirls, and GirlGuys

**Hey! So, I decided to update today because… well I wanted to!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. Or 'Single Ladies' by Beyonce. Or 'Hips Don't Lie' by Shakira. Or 'Whip My Hair' by Willow Smith**

Rosalie POV

Well if you like it then you should've put a ring on it! If you like it then you should've put a ring on it!

I danced around my living room as the stereo blasted my favorite song. "If you like it then you should've put a ring on it!" I sang along, jumping on the couch.

"Emmett!" Someone shouted. "Rosalie has a girlfrie-GAHHH!"

I whirled around to see Jacob staring at me, wide-eyed. "Uhh…"

"I do not have a girlfriend!" I shouted, crossing my arms. "I am very pleased with my boyfriend thank you very much! Now if you'll excuse me, I have some dancing to do!" I turned up the music, jumped on the coffee table, and started shaking my butt around like Shakira. "_I got gloss on my lips! A man on my hips!_ _Hold me tighter than my Dereon jeans!_ _Acting up, drink in my cup_! _I could care less what you think!_ _I need no permission, did I mention," I held up one finger, and waved it from side to side. "Don't pay him any attention!" Then I pointed to Jacob. "Cause you had your turn_, _and now you gonna learn_ _what it really feels like to miss me!"_

_Jacob's face was filled with horror. I snickered to myself, and changed the song. 'Hips Don't Lie' started blaring through the speakers. _

_Then, the most unexpected thing happened: Edward ran in from the kitchen, and jumped on the coffee table with me. "This is my jam!" He exclaimed, then he started swinging his hips around. "And I'm on tonight!_ _You know my hips don't lie,_ _and I'm starting to feel it's right!"_

"_All the attraction," I added, dancing along with him. "The tension, don't you see baby, this is perfection!"_

_Suddenly, Jasper raced into the room. "Will you turn off that noi-uhh…" He and Jacob stood side by side with identical masks of horror on their faces. _

_**Jacob POV**_

_ I couldn't believe my eyes. Edward and Emmett were dancing on the coffee table singing along to Shakira! I didn't think things could _possibly _get weirder, but then Rosalie and Bella ran into the room. They were dressed in muddy jerseys, basketball shorts, and worn out tennis shoes. _

_Bella grabbed the remote, flicked on the TV, and switched to a sports channel._

_ "FOOTBALL!" She and Rosalie shouted together. The two then jumped on the couch, and stared at the screen. _

Football? Dancing? Something is definitely up, and I am going to find out what!

_**Yeah, I know. Bad ending. But don't worry. It's thanksgiving break! I might be able to update tomorrow actually… ;D**_


	16. Sleepovers, and Falling

**Hey guys! I decided to update today, because IT'S MY BIRTHDAY! :D :D :D :D And 23 people told me happy birthday on facebook so far! And I got an 160gb iPod Classic for my birthday! And a singing sock monkey! And a $20 gift card to target! And my parents got me my favorite flavor of cake! And I got a bunch of new years crackers, because my birthday is on new year's eve. (in case you haven't noticed) So I'm in a really happy mood, and I wanted to update today! Plus, Christmas was awesome, because my parents got me a blu-ray player that has internet, so I can watch Netflix without needing an X-Box!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. But I do own the singing stuffed sock-monkey my sister gave me!**

**Jacob POV**

"You make me feel, like I'm livin' a Teenage dream, the way you turn me on! I can't sleep, let's run away and don't ever look back! Don't ever look back!"

_Oh no. _I thought as I heard the familiar male voice singing Katy Perry's 'Teenage Dream'. _Here we go again. _I cautiously turned the corner, and when I did, I found Edward and Emmett sitting on the floor of the living room. I nearly puked right then and there. They were dressed in pink, fuzzy pajamas, bunny slippers, and strewn on the floor all around them were girly gossip magazine like J-14, Tiger Beat, Seventeen, Pop-Star, and—I shuddered—_Cosmopolitan. _

"OMG!" Emmett shrieked, bouncing up and down. "Justin Bieber looks so hot in this picture!"

_Uhhh…_

"I know!" Edward exclaimed. "But you know who's hotter?"

"Who?"

Edward leaned in closer. "Jasper."

Suddenly, there was a loud bang by the stairs. My head snapped towards the sound, and I saw Jasper laying sprawled out on the floor.

**Jasper POV**

I was standing on the railing of the balcony, dusting off the ceiling (don't ask), trying to tune out the sounds of Emmett and Edward's conversation. They had been acting so weird lately! As had Rosalie and Bella! It was almost as if they had switched places! But that's crazy! People don't just switch places! …right? Maybe Alice knows what's going on. I'll go ask her.  
>I was about to step off of the railing when I heard Emmett shriek.<p>

"OMG!" He said, "Justin Bieber looks so hot in this picture!"

_Ewww!_

"I know!" said Edward. "But you know who's hotter?"

"Who?"

_Ugh._

"Jasper."

My eyes widened. _M-M-ME? Those creepies thought I was HOT? Oh, I don't feel so good…_

Before I knew what was happening, I was falling backwards off the railing. Then I smacked on the ground.

"OMG!" Emmett shouted racing over. "Jasper, are you ok?"

"Oh, no, did you hurt your beautiful face?" Edward asked.

_Uh…_

_Later that night…_

I sat on me and Alice's bed, trying to tune out the sound of Edward and Emmett's giggling. High school guys really shouldn't giggle.

"I'm telling you, Alice!" I said, holding my head in my hands. "There is something up with them!"

"No there's not! Calm down, Jazzy!" Alice said, patting my shoulder. "I think you're overreacting."

"I'm not overreacting! They're all acting weird!"

"Ok, fine. I'll admit they're acting weird! But it's probably just a phase!"

"A phase? It is not a phase! I just—Ugh! I just wish I knew what was wrong with them! And why they're acting so weird!"

Little did I know, there was a shooting star that passed my window at that exact moment.

**Oh, no! Now Alice and Jasper are switching places? How will this turn out? Sorry if this is short, or badly written… I didn't exactly have a lot of time to write it. Oh, and if you have any ideas of things that should happen with any of the couples, please tell me! I'm fresh out of ideas!**


	17. Ice Cream and Motherly Lectures

Hey! Sooooo sorry I didn't update in forever! But school has been really sucky! Today, we started those stupid State tests. They SUCKKKK! But I knew I couldn't leave you guys hanging, so thus, this chapter was born!

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. **

Tiffany: Yes! I finally found them! Disclaimer: *slams door* Idiot… Jacob POV

I thought I had seen enough horror after that slumber party, but it seemed fate didn't agree. Why, I was just walking through the Cullen's house, my ears ready to detect any sudden sound like another slumber party, or—I shuddered—_a pillow fight._

I entered the living room, and was relieved to see Alice and Jasper sitting on the couch. They were each eating bowls of ice cream, which I found strange since vampires don't eat, but I didn't question them, as I went over to the couch, and plopped down beside them.

"Hey guys!" I said, cheerfully, taking comfort in the fact that I was with the only _sane _Cullen children. "Whatcha up to?"

Jasper turned towards me. "OMG, Jacob! I didn't even see you there!"

_Huh? Is it me, or is he talking in a higher-pitched voice than usual? _

"You, like, scared me!" Jasper continued, batting his eyelashes.

"Umm… Jasper?" I questioned, inching away from the blonde vampire. "A-Are you ok? Is there something in your eye?"

"What? Oh! Of course not, silly!" Jasper said. "I was batting my eyelashes! Girls sometimes do that! You know," he leaned closer, and dropped his voice below a whisper. "When they're around a cute guy."

I backed up, and almost toppled onto the floor. Why was Jasper suddenly acting this way? Was—I gasped—was _he _crazy _TOO! _

Jasper jabbed a finger in his ice cream, scooping some up, and stuck his finger in his mouth, devouring the sweet, dairy treat. I tried not to notice, but it looked like he was trying to be _sexy._

Alice looked over, and glared. For a scary moment, I thought her fury was directed at me, but then I realized she was looking at her boyfriend. Then, she glanced back at her own ice-cream, and back to Jasper. She did that about five times, and then, something even _weirder _happened: She said, "You know _Jasper, _I like ice-cream _too!" _ took her bowl of ice cream, and smashed it into her face.

I stared in horror as she began to devour the entire bowl of the creamy treat.

"Oh, this is amazing!" Alice exclaimed, obviously trying to get her boyfriend's attention, but he was too busy eating his ice cream with his finger. All the while staring at me.

Finally, Alice seemed to get annoyed, as she took her spoon, and thwacked Jasper upside the head, getting drops of vanilla among his blonde curls.

He turned around, probably to yell at her, but froze when he saw her face (which was literally _covered _in vanilla ice-cream). "What-What did you _do?" _He shouted, dropping his bowl on the ground, where it shattered.

"What did _you _do?" Alice retorted, crossing her arms, and glaring heatedly at her boyfriend. "QUIT FLIRTING WITH JACOB!"

"I'LL FLIRT WITH HIM BECAUSE I THINK HE'S CUTE!"

"WELL YOU AREN'T EXACTLY _YOU _ARE YOU?"

I didn't understand what that meant, but Jasper seemed to, as he froze, looking shocked and horrified.

"Oh…" he said, biting his lip. Then he turned to me. "You never saw _any_ of that!" Then the couple hurried away.

I watched as they retreated, my mouth wide open. I couldn't believe this! I thought they were the normal ones! Then they turn around and go crazy on me? Something was up, and I needed to find out what. I was about to get up, and go find them, when I heard someone gasp.

I turned, and saw Esme staring at me in outrage. "Jacob!" She shouted, folding her arms, looking very much like a mother. "How could you do such a thing?"

I blinked. "Huh? I don't under—"

"And after I _just _MOPPED this floor!"

"I didn't—"

"And my bowl! That was one of my new bowls, and now it's _broken!"_

"Esme, please—"

"And on top of that, you wasted that perfectly good ice cream!"

"I—"

"Clean it up now!"

"ESME I DON'T HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT!" I screamed at the top of my lungs. I expected her to flinch, or run away or something, but all I did was provoke her anger. She raised an arm, and for a scary moment, I thought she would throw something at me, but she just pointed to the ground at my feet.

At first, I was horrified, as I thought I had peed on the floor (not that I've done that before, being a werewolf and all…) but then I saw the bowl that Jasper had dropped.

"I didn't do it!" I said, hoping the female vampire would believe me. "It was Jasper—"

"And then you _lie? _You know very well that vampires don't eat, OR drop things!"

"But I just—"

"No excuses! Clean it up! NOW!"

I sighed. "Vampires suck…"

"Then you make bad puns? NOW YOU'RE GROUNDED!"

"Oh, COME ON!"

Did you like it? Love it? Hate it? Despise it? Well, I'll never know unless you leave me a review!

**Also, sorry if the style of this chapter sounds different from the other ones. It's just that I started reading a book about how to write stories. It's the BEST book in the WORLD! **


	18. AN, Story on Hold

Dear Readers,

I apologize to those of you who thought this would be an update, but I think I might have to put my stories on hold.

As you may or may not know, I am the proud owner of two hairless rats, Meme and Squedgie. On Saturday, I realized something was very wrong with Squedgie: she had a tumor.

Now, at first I was panicked. I didn't even know that rats could get tumors. So I checked online and read that tumors in rats are very common, and there is an easy surgery to get rid of them. I felt a huge relief at hearing that. _Everything is going to be ok! _I thought. _She's going to be fine! _Boy was I wrong.

I took her to the vet with those same thoughts playing in my head, and that same feeling of relief settled in my stomach. So when the doctor checked her out, I didn't really pay attention much, but then I heard something that really shocked me.

See, tumors in rats are only easy to get rid of if they're above the tail area. Squedgie's is directly under her tail. And it's huge.

So, if I did get her the surgery it's not likely she would live through it, as she could die on the operating table. And if she doesn't get the surgery, she might not even make it a few more days.

So, I don't know what to do. I don't want to lose her, but if I have to, I want it to be sooner rather than later. Well, enjoy what fanfics I have posted so far. I am NOT giving up on any of my stories, but they are on hold. I just don't think I have it in me to continue them at the moment.

~sweet-lovin-zombie


	19. Sales and Pizza

Hey guys! I felt like I needed to update, because I felt guilty for not doing so in a while. Squedgie is ok, though she still has a tumor, and her behavior has actually improved! She's way more active than she was, and she's actually being nicer! Thank you guys for all your support, and for sticking with me, even though I haven't been the most frequent updater. And thanks for all the nice things you said when I told you about Squedgie. And I'm sorry to any of you who have ever been in my position. I really do appreciate it. That's the main reason I wanted to update.

**Thanks to ****lochnessmonster911****, and ****kittenxxkisses****. I owe this chapter to you guys. :)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. **

**P.S I'm sorry if this chapter sucks. I'm running out of ideas though! :( **

Jacob POV

Today, I was double cautious as I walked through the Cullen's house. Now, not only were Edward, Bella, Emmett, and Rosalie acting weird, but Alice and Jasper had gone crazy too! Now I don't know how you would feel in this situation, but I was officially creeped out to the maximum level.

I slowly made my way around a corner (not before listening to make sure none of the Cullen children were in the room) and ended up in the living room. I shuddered as I remembered the last two times I had been in here…

_Well, _I thought, _there's nothing to be afraid of now. I guess I can just relax and watch TV—_

"Hello Jacob!"

"AGHHHH!" _Oh no! It's them! What do I do? What do I do? _In a fit of panic, I reached for the nearest object (which happened to be a lamp) and whirled around, throwing it at the intruder.

It smacked him in the face, and shattered into a million pieces, getting glass shards stuck in his blonde hair.

"Ah!" he exclaimed, stumbling backwards in surprise. He only ended up tripping on the rug, and landing on the ground with a hard thud. It was then that I realized it wasn't one of the Cullen children after all. It was Carlisle. Oops.

"Jacob!" he shouted, looking more furious than I had ever seen him. "What is wrong with you?"

"Sorry!" I said, grabbing hold of his arm, and pulling him to his feat with ease. "I thought you were one of the crazies!"

"… _Crazies?" _

"Yes! The children! They've gone MAD!"

He looked at me like he was sure I had lost my mind. "Jacob, I think you need to lie down."

"NO!" I shouted, causing the older man to jump. "If I do, the crazies will get me!"

"Who are the crazies?" asked a new voice.

I panicked again, and threw a lamp at the newest intruder… who just happened to be Esme.

Now they both looked furious. Oh no.

"Jacob! What is wrong with you?" Esme shouted at the same time Carlisle yelled:

"Throwing lamps is not the answer!"

"Hey guys!" exclaimed yet another voice. This one just happened to belong to (I gasped) _Jasper. _

I reached for another lamp to throw, but there weren't anymore near me. So instead I leaped into the closest thing to me… which just so happened to be Carlisle's arms. Now he looked _double _angry.

"Will you—" he began, sounding outraged, but he was cut off when Jasper shrieked. All three of looked at him, and saw him holding some kind of device in his hands, that was covered in pink glitter.

"O. M. G!" he exclaimed, looking livelier than I had ever seen him. "Wet Seal is having a sale! All their tube tops are on sale!" And with that he rushed out of the room.

The three of us stayed silent for a moment. All of us were either confused by what had just happened, or horrified by the mental image of Jasper in a tube top.

The silence was broken, however, when Carlisle dropped me, and I landed hard on my butt.

"What just happened?" he demanded, his and Esme's eyes on me.

I grumbled and lifted myself off of the floor. "I told you! They're crazy!"

"Yes, this matter cannot be ignored." Said Carlisle, looking serious. "We need to figure out why they are acting this way—"

"Hey guys!" said another voice.

This time, all three of us panicked, and fled from the room.

"What did I do?" asked Charlie Swan, shifting the pizza box he was holding to his other hand, and staring at Jacob's retreating figure. "I just wanted to watch the game!"

Billy Black glared at him. "I told you not to get anchovies on the pizza!"

Yes, yes, I know. Cue the disappointed faces. Please excuse the suckiness of this chapter though, because, as I said before, I'm fresh out of ideas! If u have any ideas, then plz send them to me, cuz I've got nothing! :'(

P.S. Thanks to ElizabellaLove for her idea. I'll be using it in chapter 18!


	20. IMPORTANT AN! PLZ READ!

**Hey guys! Sorry for the wait, but things haven't been the best for me lately. I won't go into specifics, but just know that there's a reason for my absence. **

**For those of you who were wondering, Squedgie is gone. She died on August 3rd. We had to have her put down at the vet, because her tumor was making her organs fail. My parents tried to be supportive, but I know that they didn't understand why I was mourning over a pet. But thanks to all of you who were so kind and supportive throughout all of this. You really helped. **

**Anyway, let's try to be optimistic. I'm going to start updating my stories again soon, but I need your help. For the readers of Godly Pets: Rise of the Dark Dreamers, I already know what direction I'm going in for that story, so you don't need to worry. The same goes for those reading Vampire Perfect. But to the readers of A New Enemy, and The Son of Kronos, I need your help. I have no idea what to do next with those, especially Son of Kronos. **

**I'm not going to abandon them or anything, I just need your help. If you have any ideas on what you think should happen next, please tell me. I'd really appreciate your help. _Please _help. If you don't I don't know what I'll do next with the stories. **

**I guess that's all then. You can all carry on with your lives. Thanks for sticking with me! **

**~sweet-lovin-zombie**


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